Ironically, I opened this draft and then closed it again. Then I reopened it again.
Welcome to my life.
Have you ever had the urge to tell someone something but lacked the willpower to say it? Not that it’s a heavy or difficult topic, but because imparting that thought is like letting your pet parrot go – it may never return, or if it returns, it may have learned about rap music and decides it doesn’t want to be your pet anymore, as it met other like-minded parrots who have also successfully rebelled against their owners.
Or, also totally feasible, it may have met the freed parrot collective but your parrot still returns to you, but nothing is ever the same because of what it knows, and you sense the parrot has changed too. Now, the new ridge in your friendship will be who will raise the conversation initially regarding the fact the parrot and you aren’t like ”what you used to be”. Instead, the more likely scenario is you both will live your lies with this uncomfortable elephant in the room.
I live by the adage, ‘fortune favours the bold” and definitely used to run my mouth when I was in my late teens/early twenties.
It’s all about ”plausible deniability” now. Be as bold as possible until you reach a point where you can’t backtrack – then stop right there. I take the odd risk here and there, keeps the mind sharp and agile.
What I mean to say, as a result of this added cautiousness, which has no doubt come with my aging soul (still twenty three and kicking folks) I find myself, more often than not, questioning my desire to falter. There has been many a time where I have wanted to grab an old friend by the hand and talk of memories past and how they have shaped me as a person today. Or times where I’ve passed a familiar face in an unexpected place and did not break the fourth wall and explore the coincidence.
The afterthought. The maybe I should have tipped the waiter more, the I should complain about that poor service I paid for and the wait, they look like they need help. A perfect human reaction – the self criticism. The what ifs, the maybes, the should haves.
I was boundless with my honesty and now it’s time to be boundless with my kindness. It’s a much brighter place with all of the shared light. I don’t live with regrets. If that means my gangsta parrot will leave me, so be it. I live with the truth spoken, after all, he who hesitates, is lost.